Day 14: The hoops we jump through
And the cascade of lifestyle changes over time
I never considered my lifestyle so incompatible with carrying a pregnancy. But when you’re on the TTC train and there’s a few bumps in the road, leading to a full-on medical investigation of what’s going on in your body, it’s hard not to feel like anything you do might be the very thing that is secretly sabotaging your efforts.
What feels like normal, daily life for me right now is actually the result of a cascade of little lifestyle changes over time. Little shifts, all in the name of growing our family. Some of these have been welcome habits and changes. Others have driven me a little crazy.
When we first started to try, it was all the typical things they say to do. Track your cycles. Take a prenatal. Eat a diet focused on whole foods, eggs, fruits, greens, and protein. Take a look at all your prescriptions and switch out for pregnancy-safe alternatives. Toss your precious prescription-strength retinol cream and slowly watch your face dull and sag under an extremely simplified skincare regimen.
When conceiving didn’t happen as quickly as we were hoping, I looked to those next-level strategies. Slowing down, letting go, and doing everything I could to keep stress at bay. Weekly visits to the chiropractor. Adding a few more supplements to the mix. Learning how to balance hormones with diet. Stopping all sources of caffeine. Doubling up on socks and extra fuzzy slippers to regulate my feet temps, eating warming foods, and daily inversions to encourage blood flow to my uterus.
And then after three losses and not knowing why, it felt like everything was on the table for complete revolution. My life was like a science experiment with a trillion variables. Emotionally I shouldered the weight and guilt of not being able to carry a pregnancy, even when the logical side of me screamed it just wasn’t true. I threw myself back into a dairy-free and gluten-free diet. I tossed all the makeup and shower items that had any remotely questionable ingredients, even scents. I squinted my eyes at the decaf teas I was enjoying off and on. No more herbs for me. I became an expert in my health insurance coverage and engaged three months of any and all testing I could access. Extensive bloodwork when we were in Thailand. Carrier testing and uterine swabbing and shooting bubbles up my fallopian tubes to make sure they were cleared.
The hoops we jump through for our unborn babies, even those not in existence yet. I acknowledge my journey has been relatively mild compared to the lifestyle revolutions others must go through. I also recognize how lucky I am to have found resolution and (universe willing) a happy ending.
Ultimately, after months of waiting and healthcare and insurance red tape, we finally discovered a mild infection in my uterus, likely a result of a postpartum event (i.e. my miscarriage six months prior). The cure? Basic antibiotics.1
This baby was conceived the very first cycle after I finished my round of medicine. It was also the cycle that I happened to let go of the little lifestyle changes I had made over that past year: releasing the dietary constraints of being gluten and dairy free, eating both nourishing meals and foods that I craved, having fun, traveling, going on long walks, and exerting myself in ways that felt good. I look back on that October and feel that I lived.
Maternal healthcare is a shit show. My endometritis wasn’t rare or some big medical mystery. But the red tape (and extensive personal and healthcare resources) we had to work through just to get this diagnosis is unbelievable. Extreme inefficiencies and waste, when my own midwife/OB practice should have been empowered from the very beginning to help people like me take precautions to avoid these postpartum events in the first place.