Day 56: Socks in my butt

My husband’s contribution to our birth plan.

Among my most frequently asked questions as a pregnant person: do I plan to get an epidural?

I’m honestly not sure how I feel about people asking this question in the first place. It’s often used as a sneaky shorthand to probe if one plans to go “unmedicated” or not. When it comes from veteran moms, I already feel the internal comparisons — even when the question comes from the purest of good intentions. We can’t help but measure one birth experience or plan against another.

I get the curiosity. I have it, too. But talking details of birth can often feel like talking about money or miscarriage or gossip. Taboo, but also so satisfyingly juicy and voyeuristic. It’s an interesting balance — these topics hold just as much potential for damage and awkwardness as they do for empowerment and healing.

This question is also so…reductive. How can we let one pain management strategy dictate how our births are seen and encapsulated? I would much rather we take a step back and engage more open-ended invitations to share birth preferences and stories. To share exactly what and how much we’d like at any given time.

Because at the end of the day, it’s not a straightforward answer — at least, for me. The only thing I’m really hoping for and “planning” on is to labor at home as much as possible, if spontaneous labor is in the cards for this pregnancy. I’m not opposed to an epidural, and don’t particularly see myself doing well with the pain of labor and delivery. But I am also reconciling this strategy with my preference for freedom of movement and connection with physical sensation — both of which would be deeply restricted if I moved forward with an epidural.

My husband has been a saint navigating my overall wishy-washy-ness around getting an epidural. We’re planners for sure, but this is a bit of a curveball…because I still don’t freaking know. For right now, the short answer is to delay it as long as possible.

I told him that many couples have a secret word to signal when they are serious about getting an epidural or any other intervention. Something like “pineapple” or “steamboat.”

My partner, knowing my goals, ingeniously ups the ante. “Socks in my butt.”

I know I’m going to have to think twice if I really want to say this out loud in the delivery room.

UPDATE, June 8: Adam has graciously provided an alternative after I reminded him of this late-night contribution to our birth plan. 😅