Day 40: It’s like Christmas Eve
But the milk and cookies are for me.
May 6. Two months away from our due date.
As the past few days have probably indicated, I’m shifting into go-mode. Expectations are set, I’m feeling the pressure, and the to-do list is getting longer and longer.
As I sit with these feelings and this new operating mode, I realize it’s not all that unfamiliar.
It’s like Christmas Eve. There’s the ever-present excitement and build-up to this one specific day in the future, that we hope will be just as enchanting and magical as we envision it.
And not just magical…perfect. I can’t be the only one manifesting and visualizing exactly how I hope giving birth will be. In my mind, the house is clean and the work deck is cleared. I labor for the most part during the day, taking in the sunshine and keeping an environment of dopamine, laughter, and optimism. The time with our baby in the hospital filled with pure joy.
There’s a similar energy and expectation for Christmas morning. Everyone in their coziest pajamas, the stockings perfectly filled, and the coffee maker already preset. The house all pristine and stocked and everything laid out for an easy and spontaneous holiday.
But to get to the Christmas Day, there are always the eves. And as an adult, in a parental role, you learn so quickly that Christmas magic is much often a result of sheer grit and hard work and an enormous amount of planning ahead. It’s painstakingly scheduling all the holiday traditions, test-running to make sure everyone’s stockings will look equally bountiful, and forever looking around the room checking if everyone’s having a good time.
It’s vowing to wrap all the presents ahead of time but somehow you’re still up at 1am throwing things in gift bags and tissue paper, and nearly forgetting to take a bite of the stale cookie and pour out some of the lukewarm milk.
I’m in a Christmas Eve state of mind. I’ll run out and get more logs for the fire five minutes before store closing, if it means Christmas Day will be that much more sacred.