Day 38: The feminine urge to achieve everything before having a baby

Too late for an EGOT

I never quite understood the feminine urge meme (now quite old in Internet-land). To me, it always left a bad impression — more gender binary affirming rather than edgy and subversive, as others claim.

I chalked it up to just not “getting” it. Maybe I was finally showing my age. Maybe the world of memes, increasingly taken over by Gen Z and now Gen Alpha, was finally leaving this Millennial in the dust.

But if there is one “feminine urge” I will claim, it is this: the feminine urge to achieve everything before baby comes.

At school pick-up the other day, a parent asked me if we were all ready for the baby, and if we were getting ready to slow down.

Honestly, it’s quite the opposite. (And of course I’m writing this on the heels of my half-baked essay.)

“Nothing makes you more ambitious to re-invent your entire life than expecting a baby,” I respond. It’s a joke. Everyone chuckles. My husband chimes in with a mention of all the fixes around the house that we’ve been putting off for years, that now suddenly need to be finished.

But really I think this feminine urge goes deeper than just wanting to nest and prepare for taking care of a baby.

It’s the longing to make sure our pre-baby lives have made a mark in this world and in our identities. It’s the desire to tackle bucket list items and finally make good on our goals. For me, this has manifested in jumping into yoga teacher training last summer, revamping my business from the inside out, and even starting this publication (my stealth way of tricking my mind into writing 30,000+ words on a single topic).

The urge started before this baby (any of my babies) even existed. Because even the very idea of starting to TTC flipped a switch in my brain: to take stock of who I was and where I wanted to go personally and professionally, and to get serious about what else I wanted to accomplish before life morphs into a totally new dimension with a child in tow.

Because ultimately I know my life and my time will never be the same.

And despite it being 2024, we are still fighting tooth and nail to have a sense of balance and personal identity beyond motherhood.

So yes, the feminine urge persists.