Day 36: Where’s my hot tub?

In which my stepdaughter gets a gold star in empathy

I feel like we hit the jackpot with our little one who is so excited to be a big sister. So far, there hasn’t been any resistance to or trepidation about the change—just love and excitement and wonder. And I’m so happy she gets to have this experience.

That doesn’t mean I’m not worried. Imagining a baby is very different from actually having one in the house.

So with the seemingly nonstop chatter and questions about the baby from my stepdaughter, I’m finding myself looking for opportunities to drop those doses of reality. Like the fact that it won’t be all cuteness and snuggles all the time…but shrill marathons of crying and stinky messes and frazzled parents trying to keep it all together this summer.

At the same time, I don’t believe in demonizing the baby to help A understand that there are going to be very understandable moments where she just may not like the baby.

So we take an empathetic approach in our conversations. We talk about her perspective and the range of emotions she might feel as we welcome her baby brother.

And we also talk about the baby’s perspective and where he’s coming from — a nice, warm amniotic sac that’s been his whole world for the past nine months. All curled up, with nonstop nourishment, and mama’s heartbeat and movements always there to soothe him.

So sure, it’s no wonder these babies are coming out crying and a bit unsettled the first few days and weeks.

Or as my stepdaughter puts it: “He’s probably thinking, where’s my hot tub?!”