As a pregnant person, I tell the story of our baby through my symptoms. I imagine it’s that way for other expecting parents, too. Because, really, we don’t actually know much about these tiny beings swimming in their wombs. They’re all starting from a similar starting line: growing from poppy seed, to avocado, to watermelon. First the heart beats, then the eyes open.
We know nothing yet about their personalities and dreams, or what color eyes they will have or how their voice will sound.
So, we hold on to the knowledge that we do have: what the baby apps and midwives tell us about what is medically and developmentally happening with our babies—and also how our babies are uniquely impacting our very bodies and lifestyles from their very start as a cluster of cells.
Our babies come alive through our symptoms. For me, it’s proudly sharing how our baby can kick to the beat of our fire alarm, hates ground beef, and craves anything citrusy and fruity. On particularly active days, our son is clearly practicing Brazilian jiu-jitsu against my belly.1 After every midwife appointment I happily text my parents a report of his heartbeat, as if the exact number tells all.
And by far, the most consistent symptom has been my unborn son’s obvious love of oranges. I eat 2-3 a day at least. My stepdaughter still squeals her most high-pitched giggle when she sees me peel an orange, knowing it’s all because of her baby brother.
Earlier today I read through some past morning pages, and stumbled upon my entry for the day after my very first positive pregnancy test (with my first pregnancy that would later end in miscarriage).
February 6, 2023
I’ve been wide awake since 4am, just too excited and grateful and amazed at what is in motion. Since I found out, it’s been hard to focus or think about anything else. Work might be a struggle, but I’m hoping that focus will kick back in soon once I get used to it all.
…
I really don’t think I am actually experiencing symptoms at all…but if I had to look back and think about possible signs:
Energy levels generally high, feeling good and glowing.
Insomnia in the days leading up to testing. Waking up hours earlier than I normally do, and can’t get back to sleep.
Having the tiniest of tiniest baby cramps. Felt more like a little tummy ache rumble.
Eating 3-4 oranges in a row the day before I tested.
I froze when I read that last line. I had totally forgotten. Oranges. Today I got just a little more comfort and confirmation…that pregnancy was fleeting, but that baby was still so, so real.
Not even born yet and already taking after his father 🩵