At one appointment with my midwife, right around the 12-week mark, she was checking for the heartbeat and a couple whooshes sounded through the doppler.
“That’s him moving,” my midwife smiled. I swelled with pride. That’s my boy. Gosh, the parenting pride starts early. All of our little fetuses are moving and swimming around in there, but I couldn’t help but think my baby was doing it best. Ha.
I believe this moment to be my first documented descent into clinical “mom brain.”
“Mom brain” is the catch-all for the forgetfulness and brain fog that comes with being pregnant, a parent, and/or postpartum. We’re so busy literally growing humans and keeping tiny beings alive, why wouldn’t our minds turn to mush?
I’ve had my (mostly hilarious) moments of it, the most recent being completely forgetting a friend’s name and practically gaslighting my husband into thinking he’s forgotten it too (”IT’S NOT AMY?!”).
And while we think of mom brain as that quintessential cognitive decline—the endearing disorientation that others so generously forgive when we are with child—I’d like to offer an expanded understanding.
Mom brain is the complete overhaul of our brain chemistry when parenthood is imminent. It’s neurons rewiring in all directions to bring about a parenting personality that we never saw coming (parts of it, we always swore we’d never become).
Mom brain brings about parental hyper-vigilance and disaster forecasting. We look up every tip and trick to prevent SIDS. We walk into a room and think of all the ways our (still unborn) babies could hurt themselves. We worry about the years ahead and if they’ll make friends.
Mom brain brings the chutzpah to get shit done while simultaneously not giving a shit. It unlocks superpowers to find workarounds and juggle ten projects at once and think like a chess grandmaster. I believe mom brain expands our brain capacities more than it takes away—forgetting your phone at home while venturing out for errands is but a small casualty when we’re ascending to higher-level mental tasks.
Mom brain also brings the inordinate pride and conviction in the aptitude of our children. We’re all carrying future geniuses, we are so suddenly sure of it. Despite my anterior placenta preventing me from feeling most of my son’s movement, I am still convinced he’d win a gold medal in the womb Olympics.
All these parenting quirks? It’s innate. It’s mom brain. We can’t help it. Joke’s on us.1
Writing this reminded me of the classic “Baby Shower” skit on SNL — the sudden and unexpected transformation that motherhood brings, further embodied in the “mom haircut” 😂