It’s the eve of the eclipse and the new moon in Aries, another anniversary where I feel called to look back on the revolution this past astrological year had in store.
This time last year I was just a couple weeks postpartum from my miscarriage. Physically, I felt empty. Every reminder of that void stung. This was the space and time I thought I would be filling with pregnancy and parenting prep. The nine month countdown stopped, reset, and I didn’t know if it would ever re-start.
I had to learn how to face newly, unexpectedly open days in a reality I did not want to accept. The responsible part of me (thank goodness she was still clocked in!) deeply prioritized self-care, reflection, and ritual for closure. I kept my daily yoga practice, slept when I felt I needed to, and indulged in extra long journaling to get things out of my head. Through this I also had the most amazing therapist, who was so naturally on my wavelength.
I launched myself into the motions of healing. What I didn’t realize was how much this was also an initiation into a 2023 curriculum of deep learning and personal inquiry — one of the most important parts being re-acquainting with my spirituality and confronting my relationship with Abrahamic faith.
With this new time and space ahead of me, I leaned into my affinity for nature-based practices and ritual. I found more courage to articulate—for myself, most importantly—my personal belief system and how I can better embody that in my daily action and mindset.
I discovered my own version of “bible study” (which didn’t include the capital-B Bible at all) and spiritual observation. And I’m still dipping my toes in it all, doing what I can to learn what’s out there and discern what I feel called to subscribe to. I made a quiche for Ostara, sought to match my energy exertion with the lunar cycles, and consider the interconnectedness of the universe as I made my way in the world this past year.
I am deeply thankful for this time to explore and space to grow in this area. I’m not sure I would have had this strong an opportunity to do so, if I hadn’t been met (so suddenly) with the void of postpartum via miscarriage.
I like to think of it as a gift. And with that, I leave you with an excerpt from my morning pages as I was preparing for the new moon in Aries in 2023.
March 17, 2023
And I can’t help but think about my miscarriage and how, in so many ways, this baby has taught me and ushered me to a new level of health and spirituality. What a profound impact it had on its mama. And what beautiful work for just a short few weeks of existence.